Lack of Air
by TheAngelofFate
Summary: In which, the genius Stanford Pines realizes that his own actions and words have their own devastating consequences, by the time he realizes this. It may already be too late to fix the damage he's done. After all, putting a person back together was a lot more difficult then a machine. {AU with Dipper and Mabel vs the Future. No slash, please Read&Review!)


AN: I needed to make this fanfic, I needed to get out my frustration about what Ford and this was the only way I knew how. I hope you all enjoy it.

Warnings: Mentions of rape and prison time and starvation.

* * *

Ford was currently stocking his shelves in the basement as he waited for Dipper to talk with Mabel and give her the news that he was staying in Gravity Falls with him and not going back home to California with her, and giving Mabel's personality, which was so much like his own twin. Ford knew that she wasn't going to take it well. But he knew that she'd be fine on her own, Ford had confidence that his niece and nephew were better off apart if they ever wanted to accomplish anything in their lives. This was the best choice, this is what needed to be done. Protecting the world with Dipper was more important.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ford saw something move. Turning his head he realized it was his brother, who was standing in the doorway. "Hello, Stan." He said absentmindedly as he climbed off the latter and walked over to his desk. "I'm very busy at the moment, Stan, so whatever it is—"

"So... siblings are suffocating, are they?"

His body stiffened abruptly as he heard those words. Those were the same words that he said to Dipper.

 _"And isn't it suffocating?"_ He recalled. Yes, he had said that. But it was only to Dipper, _how_ did Stan know he'd spoken those words?

"Stanl—" Ford cried out in pain when his body was slammed against the thick, metal wall. Hands were around his throat in seconds and they began squeezing. Opening his watery eyes, he saw the face of Stan looking straight at him with pure rage on his face. "Stanley—" Ford gagged as his response was cut off by his brother squeezing his neck.

"So I'm _**suffocating**_ to you, am I!? _Am. I. Stanford!?_ After everything I've done for you, you have the nerve to say that I'm suffocating!?" Stan growled out as he glared at Stanford. Ford gasped, he gagged, trying to get some small amount of air into his lungs as he tried to push his brother away from him.

He was unsuccessful.

" _No_! You don't get to talk! You have no right to try and give me a bullshit explanation on why you said something like that! Are you so deaf and blind that you've never realized that I've _**always**_ been there for you!? I always supported you when we were growing up, I protected you from the assholes who picked on us, I sacrificed thirty years of my life to bring you back home and what do I get!? A punch in the face and a hateful expression!"

Stan's hands loosened for a second and that's when Ford took his chance and pushed his brother away from. Ford didn't have anytime to feel angry as he scrabbled to his feet. "H-How di-did you even– even find out—?" He barely was able to get out before he felt Stanley's fist connect with his cheek.

 _Punch_

"You're **friend** —"

 _Punch_

" _ **Bill Cipher**_ —"

 _Punch_

"Showed me what you said to Dipper—"

 _Punch_

"He also told me about the rift and that you _don't trust me_!"

Ford's eyes widened, ignoring the stinging pain his face was feeling, ignoring the blood he felt leaking from his nose. "Stan— You can't trust him!" Ley shoved him up against the wall again.

"And why the _hell_ not!? What he showed me was the truth, wasn't it!? You think I'm suffocating, you've _always_ thought I was suffocating you, that I was holding you back just cause I was never as smart as you, that I copied off some of your tests and that I broke your fucking science project!"

Anger boiled deep inside him, it was an anger that has festered and grew in his heart for the past 30 years. "You ruined— ruined m-my life!" Ford gasped as he tried to glare at Stan through tearful eyes as he felt Ley's arm press deep into his throat. His brother didn't understand, Stanley was just an ass who never in his entire life thought about his actions. And the consequences that they will always have.

Hands grabbed his collar in a death grip, tossing him into the console controls and crashed into the floor below.

"I ruined _**your**_ life!?" His twin shouted. "I wasted my life doing everything for you! Since we were kids, I've always been there by your side! I had no friends, no skills, no future. I always knew that I was never going to amount to anything in my life, all I had was you!"

Ford rubbed his throat and sent another glare at Stan. "If it was so damn hard for you, then why did you do it!?" He demanded. His own rage coming off him in waves, he truly didn't care what Stanley's reason was Stanford just wanted to distract him long enough to punch him, give Ley a taste of his own medicine.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

Ford froze at the sheer volume of Stan's rage.

Taking in his brother's appearance for once, he saw the heart broken expression mixed in with his twin's anger. He saw the lingering tears threatening to spill over Ley's eyes. "You're my brother, Ford. We're family, _twins_. I thought that meant _**something**_ to you as it has always meant _everything_ to me..."

And for the first time in years Stanford Pines was speechless. Of all the possible things Stanley could have said, Ford never expected _that_ — never expected his twin to be so honest and open. That was never Stan's personality, he lied and said things he didn't mean. But it seemed this time, Ley was no longer doing that.

"Yer' always choosing your research over your family, Sixer. You've always'd cared more about your science experiments over the ones you love, more than your own damn brother." Ford watched the tears fall down Stan's cheeks and a sad smile appeared on the younger's face as he looked Ford straight in the eyes. "It was suppose to be us _forever_ , you and me against the world and all those jerks who hated us— But where were you when I needed you!? Huh, Stanford!? Where were you when I was in prison? When I was sent to the hospital after pops kicked me out and I got into a car crash? When I was kidnapped by my prison mates and stabbed five times? When I ended up in the hospital _again_ for almost dying of starvation and dehydration while I was living in my car!?" His brother's voice hitched and his body shook. " _Where_ were you when I was drugged and rape on our 20th birthday by a lying asshole in his 30's who said he could get me the money I needed to go home!?"

Ford felt something wet against his face, placing his hand on his cheeks he realized that he was crying. When had he started crying? More importantly. When had his pure anger, his rage at Stanley for his stubbornness and ruining his life, when had that fury towards his brother disintegrate into sorrow?

He tried to speak out, he tried to say something. Anything. But nothing came out. Why hadn't Stanley told him all the horrible things he went through in the ten years they were apart after Filbrick threw Ley out on the streets? Sure, Ley mentioned some things, but obviously he left out quite a few details. Why hasn't he heard about Stan getting into a car crash, why had Stan kept such info from him?

Or maybe... Maybe Ford had just refused to listen at the time because he was so caught up— so blinded by his own problems, he refused to see the torment Stan must have gone through. Had Ford known all the things his twin went through when he called all those years ago, he _never_ would have fought with Stan.

"S-Stanley—"

"NO! I don't want to hear whatever excuse you're about to come up with. I don't want to hear _any of it_!" Stanley spat out as his eyes burrowed into Ford so intensely that he had to look away. Then in a second that rage in Stanley turned to utter heartbreak. "But don't you worry, Poindexter. You'll get what you've always wanted in your life. Me out of it. So you can be the best genius and be famous, so you can make something of yourself." Stan hitched out with a broken smile on his face.

"After all, who needs a _**suffocating**_ sibling, right?"

Stanford's heart skipped a beat. "What have you done, Stanley!?"

Slowly his brother brought out a pistol from his back pocket and raised it to his head. "Nothing— well at least, not yet." Ford felt like he was going to vomit, his heart was beating a million miles a minute and he felt like he couldn't breathe as he rose to his feet. What has he done? What did he do to his broken little brother? Why was he such an _idiot_!? Tears fell from his eyes, he couldn't believe this was happening, he never wanted this, he never wanted any of this! "L—Ley, please. I didn't mean— I didn't want— don't want you to—"

Stanley let out a laugh that was more of a sob. As the tears continued to fall and the gun shook in his hand. "Don't lie to me, Ford. No more, what you said to Dipper, and every bad thing you've said or thought about me over the years— You meant it, you meant _**all of it**_."

Stanford was out right sobbing now. His breathe was hardly coming out without it stuttering, he could hardly breathe. "Stan—Stan, please! Don't do it! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! You're better then me, Ley. You've always been better then me!" He cried out desperately. The sheer guilt and agony was overwhelming. But he need to get to Stan, he still needed him around, he sees that now. Sees it loud and clear as he recalls all the times Stan was always there for him, even though Ford was the oldest, Ley been his rock through out their childhood. Twins, every set of twins were better together then apart. Why hasn't he realized this!? He was such a fool for thinking other wise. He will always need Stanley. "I wish I could take it all back, been a better brother— Please, put the gun down!"

The gun continued to shake violently in Stan's hand. "Why? According to you, pops, and everyone else I've come a crossed, I'm nothing but a pest. A burden, a **_mistake_**! I'm no good to anyone. Rico was right, I'm better off dead."

Ford risked a step forward. "I don't want you to die!"

A smile formed on Stanley's lips, "I appreciate that, Sixer." His voice quivering as the tears kept falling on both their faces. "But it's a little too late for that."

Stanford's heart clinched and he bolted forward. But the gun went off with a loud _BANG_ echoed with the thick, stone walls of the basement, everything seemed to be in slow motion. The gun slipped from Ley's hands and crashed to the floor, and Stanley's body twisted and fell— Ford caught his brother before he hit the basement floor.

"STANLEY!?" Ford cradled the younger in his arms. Tears fell in different directions down his face, as he gazed down at his motionless twin in agony.

 _Oh god_ , _what have I done!?_ He shook Stan gently, trying to wake his stubborn twin, only to fail in the end.

This was all his fault.

"N-Nonono! St-Stanley! Please, don't leave me! I know I've been an ass and I don't deserve you— but I'm so sorry, please don't go! I can't... Can't do this—!" In his hysteria Ford almost forgot to check for any signs of life within his brother. The bullet, miraculously, hadn't gone through Stanley's skull —thanks to his twin's hands shaking— but he did have a long, nasty gash on his temple, so deep he could see the whites of bone. Pressing his hand to stop the immense blood flow, Ford tried to feel for a pulse.

 _One, two, three_

 _Minutes past—_

 _Seven, eight, ten_

 _Minutes past—_

Crying out loudly when, after twenty minutes of checking, he found a one, it was rapid and unsteady, but it was a pulse nonetheless. "Oh thank god! Stan, your alive! I— I thought that I..." Ford trailed off as his voice cracked and he sobbed in relief and heartbreak.

Slowly Stan opened his eyes. "Arghhh... My head—" Ley spoke out, eyes unfocused. Hand, impulsively reaching up to grasp his throbbing head, Ford snatched it into his own and held on as he tightened his grasp on his brother.

"Ley, y-y-you're okay..." It wasn't a question, more of a mantra Ford was saying to himself rather then to Stan. "I was so terrified."

Stan didn't speak for a minute. "Why did you save me, Sixer? I was ready to die."

Ford resisted the urge to yell out at his twin in a broken voice for asking such a thing. He knew that was going going to do neither of them any good, no matter how much he wanted too, Stanford remained as calm as he could, even if his own twin just admitted that he was suicidal. That he attempted to end his own life with a silver pistol. "I didn't, you just missed."

The younger let out a broken laugh. "Heh, well. I was never really good with small guns anyway."

Ford smiled wetly and pressed his forehead against Stan's. "I almost lost you, Stan. Please, don't ever do something like that again! I'm _so sorry_ I made you feel so horrible about yourself, I'm sorry I was never there, I'm sorry that I am the worst brother in the world!"

And he was, truly he was sorry for all the pain he had caused Stan.

As Stanford hugged Ley tighter to him, Ford found it a little strange that just this morning he found himself thinking that he was better off on his own, that he was completely fine with Stan leaving his home, and that he would never patch things up with the younger twin. But then here comes his brother —rage in his eyes, hands trying to choke while fists punched him— and was somehow able to change Ford's mind and emotions.

Weak hands attempted to hug him back. They did their best to grip Ford's trench coat and hold on. "Always such a sap, even when we were kids. Doesn't change how I feel about myself."

Lifting his forehead off of his brother's, he looked at Ley in the eyes. "Why? I said I was sorry, I'm here with you and I've forgiven you. And you don't have to leave at the end of summer! So why? Why do you still hate yourself!?" He asked desperately, eyes pleading, wanting to understand why his little brother felt this way.

"Because— I've been told by a lot of people how worthless I am, and after years and years of those hateful, painful comments. I... ended believing them. That's why whenever I hear someone say how horrible I am, I don't react because I know it's true and I agree with them."

"But you're not!" Ford argued fiercely. Fresh tears fell from his eyes. "You're none of those things! You're a good person, Stanley. You've put up with me and tried to get me back even though I don't deserve it. You've always wore your heart on your sleeve and I was always proud of you for that." He wasn't going to let his twin think about himself as trash, not any longer. Ford may not have that right given the way he's been acting and how angry he's been at Stan ever since he's gotten back. _But_ he refused to do nothing and just let Stanley feel this way. No, doing nothing never got him anywhere.

Stanford expected Ley to argue. Say that Ford was wrong and be his normal stubborn self. "I 'ppreciate the thought, Ford. But it's going to take a lot more then just a simple 'I'm sorry' from you, I've been this way for years, I've forgotten how to not look into a mirror and hate what I see, forgotten how to live for myself— I've been living as you for so long. I don't know how to be myself anymore." Stanley spoke out, his voice quivering as he pressed his face against Ford's neck.

"Then let me help you, Ley. Please, you don't have to do this alone anymore. Let us both help each mend our damaged souls. Let the two of us face it all together." Stanford whispered as he gripped the material of Stanley's black suit, tightening his hold just a inch, and placed a chaste kiss on the top of Stan's gray-white hair.

Stanley laughed and this time it wasn't filled with sorrow. "How?"

"Like Ma always said to us when things got difficult as kids, we take baby steps."

"Slow and Steady." Ford nodded. Exactly. In order for them to heal themselves, in order for them to be whole again, it was going to take some time and effort.

"Stanley? I truly am so sorry for all I've done to you. I've been so selfish, always thinking of myself and never you. If I could take it all back and be different, I would."

"S'alright, Sixer. I forgave you along time ago, I was just hurt that you thought I was 'suffocating' after all I've done— but now that I know you still care, that you don't hate me—"

Ford pressed his forehead to Stan's a second time. "Of course I still care, I've always cared. I never hated you, brother. Angry, yes. But I never once hated you. I just thought I was better off without you. That to achieve my dream, we needed to be apart. But I was wrong, more then I have been—"

Abruptly a loud rumble shook the very core of the basement, chunks of the basement ceiling fell in heaps and Ford wasted no time in shielding Stan's body with his own. "What the hell was that? An earthquake?" Ley asked as the shaking continued to grow louder and the shaking grew more violent. No, this was more then an earthquake, dread enveloped his body as he felt the feeling of impending darkness. Something was wrong, something happened topside. It was the cause of this dreaded feeling. He needed to go upstairs, he needed to find Dipper and find out what was going on.

"Stan? Stan, I need to go outside for a minute." Ford announced as he looked at his brother. "How's your head? Can you walk?" Stanley gave his best attempt to move, to stand up on his own to feet, but the gash on his head prevented him from doing so as his twin went through a dizzy spell and fell back against Ford's shoulder. "Guess not. Sorry, Ford."

Stanford shook his head. "Don't be, I'll just carry you." He replied as he stood on his own feet and lifted his brother into his arms with surprising ease.

"Sixer—"

"There's no way I'm leaving you down here, not with that gash on your head and an earthquake shaking the town outside."

"The kids are more important—"

"—Where ever we go, we go together." Ford quoted determinedly. "A small boy once said that to me, he told to keep my spirits up and promised me that we'd one day go sailing around the world together. And I'll stand by that quote from now on, understand little brother?"

Stan smiled. As they began to make their way upstairs. "Overly-sensitive nerd." Ley pressed his wounded temple against Ford's cold trench coat.

"Stubborn ass knucklehead." Ford retorted, hands gripped his twins arm and brought him closer as he walked toward their fate and the fate of the world. Ready to face what ever was out there as long as he had his family right beside him.

* * *

AN: I know, I know. It's a little AU-ish, with Dipper never showing up to tell Ford that Mabel didn't take the news that he was staying in Gravity Falls. What I needed to write Stan confronting Ford about what he said to Dipper when they were in that UFO. And my imagination is slow with inspiration and that was the only thing I could come up with.

I should feel bad for the damage I cause to Ford's face, but I honestly don't, when I was writing Ford's beat down I was picturing myself in Stan's shoes. Stanford deserves to get punched in the face after saying Stan is suffocating when he's done nothing but be supportive!

I was seriously thinking about killing Stan in this fic. Mostly because I want to write a more guilty!Traumatized Stanford, but I couldn't kill Stan off, he's my baby. I just couldn't do it. But the temptation was strong, how it was so very strong.

Please, if you can, take the time to review and tell me what you thought about my latest addition to the Stan twins feels.


End file.
